Fear of the toilet can stem from several reasons: its size, height, lack of confidence, fear of "drowning," the fear that their waste separates from their body (like a part detaching) and disappears. It’s possible the child experienced a frightening event that causes them to avoid it.
So what can be done? First of all, let go. Any persuasion at this stage won’t help! On the contrary, it will add pressure, and the child will feel like they are disappointing you. Tell them that you understand, and when they want to and feel comfortable, you’ll be happy to accompany them there. At the same time, I would place the potty regularly near the toilet. Make sure the toilet is inviting and accessible with a toilet reducer/seat adapter/stool. This way, the child will gain confidence in the place where the toilet is located and won’t develop anxiety about the bathroom or restroom.
In the meantime, you can read them books on the subject and expose them to content that discusses it.
The DVD I really love is "The Magic Toilet" by Dr. Kushnir. It can be purchased here.
Here’s a clip from it.
The book "Ella's Toilet" - the book that will joyfully accompany every boy and girl to the toilet.
Written by Yael Satat and illustrated by Haim Satat
And if you’re only at the preparation stage for potty training, you must check out my lecture "Potty Training Preparation Course," where you’ll receive all the tools for proper, effective, and pleasant training.
Good luck
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