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Unconditional love

אילנה כהנא, הדרכת הורים | אימון אישי
Mar 9

I think he was about 4 years old... I was angry with him in the afternoon, and he took it really hard... It ruined our entire evening. Everything from that moment on was tense and unpleasant. It took him time to calm down... me too... I don’t even remember today what I was angry about... but what happened afterward I will never forget. It was a defining moment in my parenting.


When he was in bed, I went to read him a story, and he refused. He was still upset about my anger. He seemed surprised that I even offered to read him a story. I realized I needed to explain.


Because it seemed like he didn’t understand.


So I sat down. He pulled back a little... (it broke my heart!) I wanted to stroke him, but his withdrawal made me realize it wasn’t the time. "My child," I said, "I understand that you’re still upset. I just want to explain something really important. You will always and forever be my child, and I will always, always love you. Even when I’m angry about a certain behavior, I still love you with all my heart. You’re upset now and not really accepting this. But it’s important to me that you know and always remember that even when Mom is angry, Mom always loves you!" Suddenly, he started crying. Really crying, with all his heart. I asked him if I could hug him.


He nodded. So I hugged him. Quietly. Without speaking.


I had said enough, apparently. He understood.


He needed to know that I love him always. Even if he made a mistake and didn’t follow the rules. Even if he lashes out, even if he withdraws, even if his opinions are different from mine, his taste in food is different, his grades are low, or his hairstyle is strange, I love him and will love him from the depths of my being until my last day.


And if I don’t tell him this again and again, how will he know?


 

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Ilana Cahana


 

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