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Ever since I can remember, I’ve suffered from the cold! I admit it! I’m cold from the summer air conditioning, and I’m cold from the winter chill.
Which makes it hard for me to accept that my heirs walk around barefoot in the winter or wear a short-sleeve shirt when it’s 8° and freezing outside. I imagine they’re cold, sneezing, then getting a fever, feeling miserable, and then I’ll have to cancel meetings and take care of them because they’ll need their mom by their side to pamper them, make tea, and soup.
And then I’ll tell them, “I told you so!” You didn’t listen to me. Why do I even buy you a coat and slippers?! I knew this would happen! You never listen to me!!!!!!
Their dad, on the other hand, suffers from the heat 🤦♀️ and doesn’t really like air conditioning… not in the summer and not in the winter…
He doesn’t really dress warmly in the winter. A thin shirt and, at best, a light jacket in the car, just in case it rains or gets “chilly” when he comes home from work in the evening. Talking about setting an example…? Go ahead and tell them to dress warmly…
I’m in the minority.
Over the years, I’ve learned to filter out those voices (responsible parenting, parenting guidance, etc.) that tell me I’m not a good mom if it’s already cold outside and they’re not wrapped in 8 layers + a scarf + a wool hat + gloves + thermal socks + ear warmers, all covered with a snowsuit. Preferably military-grade, in case you didn’t return the gear during the last return campaign…
Such neglect!
So, I worked on silencing those voices. I gave myself personal coaching. Deep breaths. Sticking to daily (if not hourly) weather updates so that when I ask them to take a coat and umbrella in their bag (wearing it is optional), because it might rain… and if it doesn’t rain… “I carried it for nothing, it didn’t even rain”… I try really hard to be credible, and to all the meteorologists who aren’t accurate—just know you’re ruining my credibility here! You said rain? Make sure it rains here. I’ll send you the exact address on Waze!
So why am I telling you this?! Because today, that moment arrived when my youngest heir came home from school—a thin shirt on his skin and a jacket carelessly open (probably worn just so mom would see it). He didn’t look great… sniffing a bit, his nose slightly red, bordering on pink. And carefully, without criticism (which was screaming in my head and punching me in the gut, saying, “I told you so, and now he’s sick, and I was right!”),
I asked him if he was cold. “A little.”
Are you sniffly? “A little.”
Does anything hurt? “A little… my throat.”
Should I make you tea? “Yes, please…”
And after he took off his jacket, I saw he was “a little” shivering.
Is it just me, or are you shivering a little from the cold?
“Yes… a little.”
And all I said out loud was, “What a bummer…” (I swear!)
So, I heated up some barley soup and sent him to take a hot shower.
He came down to eat…
Wearing warm socks, sweatpants, a thin shirt with a warm fleece hoodie over it. The hood on his head.
Why is the hood on your head, sweetie? “Because it’s a little cold…”
And it’s completely clear to me that the moment he feels better, he’ll take off the layers and forget these moments when he shivered, sniffled, and hurt.
Because it’s human nature to forget.
But the criticism I avoided throwing at him (how amazing am I! Admit it—it’s not easy to hold back),
That criticism, if I had said it, he wouldn’t have forgotten. Because then he would have heard that I don’t trust his judgment. That I’m disappointed in him. That I’m angry at him and at myself for not insisting more, and so on and so forth…
Instead, he heard that I care about him. That I want to take away his pain and cold. That I’m here for him when he’s struggling.
Because, let’s be honest, with all the winter illnesses going around, even if he had been wrapped in my fantasy, he might have caught some virus through the air he breathes because someone sneezed nearby…
So here I am, dressed warmly, curled up in a blanket with the heater warming the air I breathe,
Knitting him a scarf… (How do you even knit a scarf?) Hoping he’ll use it… Wishing for a warm winter here!
Ilana Kahana
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Ilana Cahana
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