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Homework: How to help children without revealing the answers?

Writer: אילנה כהנא אילנה כהנא
Mar 9

One of my students came to class with a math assignment sheet—perfect and precise. All the exercises were correct, the numbers were neatly arranged, and the solutions looked as if they came straight out of a textbook.


When we started practicing together in class, I noticed she was making mistakes at almost every step. I asked her to explain how she solved a particular homework problem, and she confidently replied, "I did this with my mom; my mom wrote it."


That sentence made me pause and think. On one hand, it’s clear her mom wanted to help—she wanted to ensure the homework was correct, that her daughter came to class prepared, and that she wouldn’t feel frustrated. On the other hand, the child didn’t truly understand the material. She hadn’t learned how to solve the exercises on her own and hadn’t developed the confidence to tackle challenges.


This story is not unusual. As parents, the desire to help our children is natural. We want to see them succeed, progress, and feel good about themselves. But sometimes, with the best of intentions, we might inadvertently hinder their learning process.


When we give children the answers, we might make things easier for them in the moment, but in the long run, we harm their development.


In this article, we’ll delve not only into the effects of helping with homework but also into the emotional aspects—for both the parent and the child—and offer proper ways to help children handle homework in a way that benefits them.


The Fine Line Between Involvement and Interference


When it comes to homework, there’s a very fine line between involvement—which is positive and helpful—and interference—which can harm the child’s learning process.


Involvement is when we support the child, guide them, ask leading questions, and encourage them to think for themselves.


Interference is when we take responsibility for the task, solve the exercises for them, or dictate the answers.


Why is this line so important?


When we’re involved in the right way, we help the child develop important skills like independent thinking, problem-solving, and coping with challenges.


On the other hand, when we interfere too much, we might:


- Harm the child’s self-confidence because they feel they can’t handle things on their own.

- Create dependency on us instead of teaching them to tackle tasks independently.

- Deprive them of the opportunity to learn from their mistakes, which are an integral part of the learning process.


What to Do When Your Child Says, "I Don’t Understand"?


One of the most common responses children have to homework is, "I don’t understand."


As parents, hearing this can be frustrating, especially if we’re unsure how to help. But it’s important to remember: "I don’t understand" is not the end of the conversation but the beginning.


Instead of rushing to give the answer, try gently insisting and asking questions that help the child pinpoint the difficulty:


- "What exactly don’t you understand?"

Ask the child to read the task aloud.

Check if they understood the instructions and what they need to do.

Sometimes, the difficulty doesn’t stem from the material itself but from a lack of understanding of the instructions.


- "What did the teacher explain in class?"

Ask the child what they remember from the teacher’s explanation.

This can help you understand how attentive they were in class and whether they understood the explanation.

If the child doesn’t remember, it might indicate they weren’t focused, which is a topic worth discussing.


- "What have you already tried to do?"

Ask the child to show you their attempts to solve the task.

This way, you can see exactly where they got stuck and help them move forward from there.


- "What do you think you should do?"

Encourage the child to think of a possible solution, even if they’re unsure it’s correct.

This will help them build self-confidence and the ability to face challenges.


Why Is This Important?


By asking these questions, we help the child pinpoint their difficulty, understand what exactly they don’t understand, and find a solution on their own. Additionally, we learn about how they think and their level of understanding, which allows us to help them more effectively.


 

"What Does This Say About Me as a Parent?"


As parents, we want to know that our children come to class prepared, with well-done homework.


Sometimes, this feeling stems not only from the desire to help the child but also from our own need to feel like good parents.


"If my child comes with incorrect homework, what does that say about me?"

"If the teacher sees they didn’t understand, will she think I’m not helping enough?"


These feelings are completely natural. We want our children to succeed because their success reflects on us as parents. But it’s important to remember: the homework is the child’s, not ours.


When we interfere too much, we might feel better in the moment, but we deprive the child of the opportunity to learn, make mistakes, and grow.


The Child’s Emotional Perspective: "What Does This Say About Me as a Student?"


Every child has a different approach to homework, and sometimes this approach is heavily influenced by their emotional state:


- Children Who Give Up Easily

Some children struggle to face challenges, and when they don’t understand something, they simply give up.

"If I don’t know, why try?"

"I’m not good at this anyway, so what’s the point?"

For such children, homework becomes a source of frustration and a sense of failure.


- Children Who Strive for Perfection at All Costs

On the other hand, some children feel it’s very important for everything to be perfect.

"I need my homework to be correct, or the teacher will think I’m not good."

"If I can’t do it alone, I need someone to help me because I can’t afford to make mistakes."

Such children might develop dependency on parents or others out of fear of making mistakes or failing.


You’re Their Parent, Not Their Teacher


As parents, our role is to support our children, not to teach them the material. If we give them the answers, we might make things easier for them in the moment, but in the long run, we harm their learning process.


Homework is an opportunity for children to learn, grow, and build self-confidence. Our role is to guide, support, and encourage—not to solve for them.


Remember: the goal isn’t perfect homework but children who learn to think, cope, and succeed on their own.


If you’d like to share personal experiences or ask questions, I’d love to hear from you in the comments! 😊



 

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